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How to keep yourself grounded through singleness

     Love.. am I right. It is the most talked about feeling in our society and so many people long for it, especially from someone special. In many of the podcasts that I have listened to, they talk about how when you are single, people tell you constantly “It will happen when you least expect it” and it's infuriating to hear that, but at the end of the day, people just don’t know what else to say because finding that type of love really can be very unexpected. Now, for me, there are so many ways we can give and receive love and I feel that is one of the main mindsets that has kept me grounded and has allowed me to not settle for any less than I deserve when it comes to finding a partner. This time I want to talk to you all about what I have done during this time of singleness and how I have kept myself feeling content and complete by just learning more about myself and loving myself every day.

     Now, I just want to make a quick disclaimer to say that I am not saying you need to be in a relationship or that should be one of your ultimate goals in life. But, I know that that is something some people do really want, and I wanted to write this post in order to just tell you all some of the things that have helped me through this time, and hope they will help you as well.  

     I have talked about a breakup that I went through after a long relationship in past posts, and I remember after that happened something switched inside of me and made me realize that I needed to change and fix the relationship I had with myself at that time. As I have mentioned before therapy has always been a very important part of my life and what has allowed me to heal so much, so I knew that needed to be my first step to heal after this breakup. To be completely honest, I did not find a therapist right away, it took me some time to start the process because I knew that it would be a lot to unpack everything that happened during that relationship. So do not feel bad or stressed if you don’t feel ready to start this process as soon as you break up with someone, it takes some time to feel comfortable with starting the healing process. As I started talking more about what had happened I also began to learn more about myself every day, what led to me entering that relationship, and what I wanted to work on to never allow myself to get into any other type of relationship that would not be a healthy one. 

       Now, after leaving a very long relationship I knew that I wanted to be by myself at least for a while because I had to work on rediscovering who I was, and of course, it was hard. There were days when I really longed for someone and I remember that every time I planned to go somewhere or met a guy I would automatically think “hmm maybe this could be something or maybe here I will meet my person” but those thoughts at one point really became quite too much. I would constantly think about it and unfortunately, I did this for a long time. What helped me control that was prayer, of course, that is not something everyone believes in, but you can also think about it as just talking to your soul or trusting the universe. But I will constantly say “God prepare that person for me and prepare me for him, give me patience and faith” and that would calm me down. Of course, there are many other things you can say depending on what you believe in, but finding that sort of mantra will keep you afloat if you have been through something similar. 

     Other piece of advice that I have heard a lot but that has really worked for me is just to learn to hang out with yourself and be comfortable with being on your own. I started going on shopping or coffee dates by myself, bought myself a treat every once in a while, and slowly I realized how much I enjoyed doing things on my own. One thing that I can say about this, is that it will help you A LOT to not fall back again on just being with someone because you are afraid or feel uncomfortable doing things by yourself. I learned to love solitude and enjoyed my own company every day even more. I will say that there is a “dangerous” side to this because at one point you become used to doing things by yourself all the time that it might be hard to be flexible and let someone else help or accompany you through life. 

     With that said, another thing to do during this time, is really working on your friendships, if you had been in a relationship for a while or even if you have not, friendships are something that will always keep you grounded and as I’ve talked about in a previous post they make you come back to life when needed. My best friend and I have talked about this, how we both noticed that our relationship drastically changed after I had gone through my breakup because I was also becoming my own person and opening up more to her as well. As I said, even if you did not go through a breakup or have had a relationship, during singleness especially, building strong friendships is so important. I have known a lot of people who just put aside their friendships completely when they get into relationships and I have seen how much that hurts them once it ends. So please, make sure you work on that and give love to your friends whenever you can. As I have also said before, there are many ways to give love and receive love, and having those fulfilling friend relationships will sustain you. 

      One more thing that has been so important for me, is exploring my hobbies and taking classes to learn new things or get better at things I’ve done for a while. In my case, it has been taking guitar and different types of exercise classes. These two activities have helped my mental health so much and give me an hour a day to just completely disconnect, ground, and connect with myself. They have also helped me push myself to do things way out of my comfort zone and see how strong and good I can become in a certain field. I have always loved music, and I will actually do a post on this soon, but getting the opportunity to take actual classes has just elevated that for me, and I know that it is something that I want to keep doing forever if possible. So, if you have ever had that curiosity or want to learn something new or get better at something I really encourage you to use this time for that, especially because you are only focusing on yourself right now. 

      The last quick thing I want to talk about is meditation, meditation has completely changed me and how I view the world, so I would really encourage you to try it if you believe it could serve you. It has helped me a lot with being present, empathetic, graceful with myself and the world, as well as patient with my life journey. With all that said, I hope that you get some inspiration from this post to start incorporating some new things into your everyday life that will enrich and make you better, and just make you feel like you are really not missing something. So that whenever you find that person, they are there to accompany you through your journey, which will already be beautiful.

All my love,
Karina.  

How friendships have saved me

By 183:897127021 • February 14, 2023
T his one goes out to all my friends, who’ve been there throughout my life in the good and the bad. Thank you for everything, even if you are not present in my life anymore. I hope I can get through writing this one without crying. As we grow up I think that sometimes we can start to forget just how meaningful friendships are in our lives because society has told us that what we really need to find to be complete is a romantic partner. Well, I can tell you from experience and I am sure that almost everyone will agree, friendships last waay more than any relationship will. For me, it has been so important to have good friends and build those strong relationships, because seriously friends can get you through some of the hardest moments of your life. I know many of you can agree with me on this, and say that without your friends you might not be the person you are today. That is why I wanted to use this post as an ode to those friends that have been with me through this journey and also remind whoever’s reading to appreciate the friendships they have and don’t forget to tell them you love and thank them for the role they have played in your life. The first memory I have of making a friend is in kindergarten, I had a best friend who I did everything with, but as you might guess life had other plans for each of us, and still to this day I think about her sometimes. It's hard to really pinpoint when I had what I could call my first real friendship, it was probably in elementary school when I met two girls who I became inseparable with and told some of my darkest secrets. They were with me while we figured out what it was to even like boys or girls for the first time, my parent’s divorce, our first periods, and just learning what it was like to have our bodies and minds go through crazy changes. If you really think about it, the friends you had during those times probably made a really big impact on how you viewed and understood the changes you were going through. My friendship with them continued until middle school and I still talk to them sometimes, but of course, the relationship will probably never be the same as it was back then. I think there is a lot of grief that also comes from having different friends throughout your life. Because, sometimes it is not you who wanted the relationship to end, but in my case, I will call it God, knew that whatever purpose they were supposed to serve in my life was completed. I have heard many times in movies, comments from others, songs, etc, how people usually make their long-time friends in high school or college, but for me, it happened in middle school. The friends that have stayed a part of my life until now in a very deep and connected way, I met in middle school. You may think, why is that even important? Well because that means they have known me for almost 14 years, that is a really long time, meaning that they have met many Karinas throughout those years and have loved every single one of them, isn’t that amazing? Think about how sometimes our romantic partners might decide to leave us just because we had changed a little bit about who we were when we met them, and our friends, they stay, they always do. What an incredible type of love in my opinion and commitment. When I talk about commitment I really want you to think about your relationships with your really close friends, they have all probably required you to pour a lot of yourself and your time into them, if at least you expect it to be a meaningful connection, and they have probably done that for you as well (if they don’t then you might want to reexamine if that friendship is not a one-sided relationship). Friends are incredible humans and based on what I believe they are angels that God has sent me to protect and care for me. You are probably thinking right now about those people, and maybe you might be realizing that you don’t have those kinds of friendships, and that is okay because the good news here is that you don’t need someone who has known you for 14 years to build a really close connection. This has happened to me recently actually, with my roommate, we had an instant connection that is hard to explain, but I feel like she has known all of the Karinas I was talking about and has accepted who I am today and cares deeply about me and what she can do to make my life better. If you feel like you have many friends, but you have not gotten to build deep connections with them, I invite you to try to do it, and if you feel that you don’t want to create that relationship with them, then you might want to think about finding new people to connect with. I am adamant about this because believe me when I say that those people will get you back from the darkest moments of your life and they will literally save you, sometimes without them even knowing they are doing it. The other subject I wanted to talk about was that of having a “best friend”. That one person who has just been there for you through so much and with whom you have the most intimate relationship. I feel very lucky that I found mine when I was young, in middle school, and as I grew up I just believed that everyone had that kind of person in their lives, but I then found out that it was not as common as I thought. I believe this goes back to what I was just mentioning in terms of thinking about if the current friendships you have are deep ones or not. For me, my best friend is not just that she is my “soulmate”, something many people find their whole life searching for. Usually, as we grow up society tells us that we will one day find that through a romantic partner, but I was very surprised to find that with my best friend. She really is the only person I can be myself completely with and someone I feel a tie to that is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt with a romantic partner. I don’t know if any of you who are reading this have a person like that in your life, but if you do, just know that you are very lucky and take this as a sign to send them an appreciation text <3. With all that said, friendships can be very magical things, especially when they have the power to save you from even the darkest moments of your life. I know my friends did when I’ve had hardships and have pulled me out from some very sad moments that I don’t know if I could have survived on my own. Please appreciate these relationships and never take them for granted they are so special and even more when you find those good ones. All my love, Karina.

What happens when you move away from home…

By 183:897127021 • January 24, 2023
There are many reasons people move away from their childhood homes, some do it to pursue their dreams, and some do it because they need a way out. As someone who was raised with three other siblings, I remember thinking in high school that I was ready to move out from home and that I could not wait to have my own space and the freedom that came with it. When we are younger we usually imagine moving out and being independent as this magical thing that could solve all of our problems and improve our life. For me, it was definitely not a magical thing, but it did help me greatly in many areas of my life. I would like to talk more about those feelings and things that happen when you move out by using mine and some of my friends’ experience who helped me by providing a phrase or word that described what that experience was like for them. I hope this post gives you a better insight into what moving out feels like and makes you think about if this would be the right choice for you at the moment you are in right now. To me there are two different types of “moving out”, it could be that you do not live in the same house as your nuclear family anymore but still live in the same city or you live far away from them. I think these experiences are very different because of the proximity that you might still have to your family. I moved away from my home city when I decided I wanted to pursue a master’s degree in the US, and let me tell you I was really looking forward to this moment because I was ready to leave my hometown, I wanted to look for more and do more. Even though I was really excited about this move, believe me when I tell you it has been a very hard experience and one that led me personally to the conclusion that I would like to be closer to my family in the long run. Of course, this is not a realization that happens to everyone because sometimes we are better off keeping a distance from our families, no matter how much we love them. That is why I wanted to get my friends' input on what their experiences have meant for them because I know that not everyone will go through it the same way. Also, I am just a big fan of listening and getting to know different perspectives on shared experiences, because even when the action of moving out might be very similar, the whole journey that someone goes through can be particular to each person. I really enjoyed getting to read the phrases and words that my friends contributed because it made me reflect deeper on what this experience has meant for me and if the feelings they had gone through were similar to what I have felt during this journey. I want to focus first on the phrases and words that repeated themselves the most because they are ones that also spoke to me and I believe do represent greatly what this experience is like. The phrases were: “Getting out of my comfort zone”, “Growth”, and “Getting to know myself”. When I deeply thought about these words they made me think back at all the moments that have made me feel that and how I noticed that most of the words that I got described this experience as a positive thing, and a journey that took them to a place where they needed to go. “Getting out of your comfort zone” can look like many things, but I definitely think that in this case moving out can be very uncomfortable at first, especially if you have lived in the same house for most of your life. Since I identify as someone who is very empathetic and highly sensitive, it can be hard for me to let go of people and places I love because of the emotions that I have attached to them. I remember saying goodbye to my childhood bedroom and house was very hard since I thought about all the memories I have lived there and also how that room has seen me grow and go through a lot of good and bad times. If this is something that is hard for you as well, I would recommend taking your time to say goodbye to that space as you start packing up and thank it for all it has done for you. “Growth” is such a strong word, it encompasses many emotions and situations, but it is a word that describes a big part of what this journey is about. I recently made a vision board for this new year, and in the middle of it, I have that word because it describes very well what I want to do in all areas of my life. Life is growth and moving out will for sure make you grow in more ways than you can imagine. I remember having to do my taxes for the first time by myself, or learn how to grocery shop without overspending, all of these things seem so small, but make you feel really good about yourself and help you realize how much you are capable of. If you remember from my last post I talked about how going through a breakup experience brought me back to myself and helped me discover who I am, and moving out also played a big role in that and I can see that for others as well since the phrase “Getting to know myself” was mentioned. I think that going through this journey makes you discover yourself for the reason that there is a lot that you will have to go through on your own for the first time, and that changes you and allows you to see what you are capable of. This leads me to another one of the phrases that really stuck out to me, a friend mentioned “I think this is something you should live through before making any long-time commitments”, this is so true, I know that it might not be possible for everyone to move away from home yet, but if it is in your possibilities I would strongly encourage it for that reason. Personally, it has been a very empowering experience, and one that has really made me think more about what I would like in a partner for example, or like I mentioned in the beginning how it made me realize that being close to home was important to me. I have stated some of the phrases that talk about the more positive sides of this experience, but one of my friends mentioned the word “nostalgia” and it made me think about that really sad part about going through this process and the hard parts about it. I literally cannot listen to “Never Grow Up” by Taylor Swift without crying, because it just takes me back to all those moments back home. Even when it is empowering to learn and explore something completely new by yourself, it can also be very scary. I would sometimes cry myself to sleep when I had just moved out because of how much I missed my family and even now when I visit them, it feels like a little bit of myself breaks every time I say goodbye. I know I’m getting a little sad and cheesy but all of those emotions are also part of the process and that does not make it any less worth it. If you have been thinking about it for a while, and it is in your possibilities, please look into it and experience more of what this world has to offer, and also explore yourself and your capabilities. It will be scary and amazing at the same time. Let me know how it goes! And remember if you need help through this process, therapy will always be there :) All my love, Karina. New Paragraph

13 Lessons from my 5 years in therapy (Part 2)

By 183:897127021 • January 10, 2023
As promised here is the second part of my lessons from my therapy journey. I hope this inspires you to keep going with your own journey or start it. Maybe even it gives you more ideas as to what you could work on with your therapist. 8. To really sit with the question “What do I want” or “Is this really what is best for me” or am I still trying to lie to myself I think we have all been through at least one “what am I doing with my life” crisis because for most of us figuring out what our passion is and what we want to dedicate our life to is not an easy task. But guess what, even when we make a decision our minds can change in the future, and that is okay! I used to be so obsessed with the idea of knowing the one thing I should be doing for the rest of my life, but what therapy has taught me is that your passion does not necessarily have to be a specific job or career, but either a mission or a lifestyle. For example, I discovered that my passion is creating safe spaces for people, and that is very general, meaning that I could do that in many different jobs. It took me a while to realize that what I thought was going to make me happy was not what I had thought. In the past, I had let myself be influenced by what other people thought I should be doing or who I should be, and really having that conversation with myself about it was very scary but also liberating. Because from now on I have promised myself that I will not be doing anything that I am not 100% sure of and that I really know the decision came from me and not from someone else’s ideals. 9. Inner child work heals a lot of wounds I plan on doing a whole post dedicated to this subject because there is so much to unpack with this one, but it is really amazing how much I have changed by working through the wounds and trauma from my childhood. I know “trauma” is a very big word and some people believe it relates to only very horrible experiences, but trauma can be a lot of things and a lot of people spend most of their lives hiding and pushing trauma feelings away. I believe it is so important to talk to your therapist about those experiences you faced in your childhood, and I know that some people believe it is better to stay away from that and just focus on the present moment, but a lot of the patterns you have as an adult that don’t particularly serve you anymore, were built during those years. Working through them and understanding why they were created can help break them. This kind of work can also help repair a lot of relationships and also make sure that you are not sabotaging future ones. 10. Boundaries, how to set them and keep them Setting boundaries can be particularly difficult for some people, mostly due to the fact that they are used to being stepped on by others, or did not grow up in a household where any kind of boundaries were set and respected. It took me a long time to be able to learn how to set boundaries and most importantly how to keep them. As we grow up we start to understand that some people that we want to have in our lives will not change the parts of them that might bother us and that boundaries need to be set with them. One day, I was listening to a podcast episode that talked exactly about this subject and it explains very well how boundary setting should not be aggressive or completely restrict a person from doing something, but rather it should be done in stages. I thought this was an amazing idea because instead of trying to change someone’s behavior completely from one day to the next, you are giving them the time to adjust to your boundary, making it harder for them to break them. I would really recommend listening to the episode I linked to get a better idea of how you could start your boundary-setting journey. 11. How to turn a break up into a life-changing experience This was a big one for me, one that took me a lot of sessions to learn. When I went through my first big breakup after a 6-year relationship, it hit me really hard and it took me some time to realize how I could turn this experience into something that changed me completely. ‘Lose you to love me” by Selena Gomez, really spoke volumes to me during those times, because that had happened to me, I had lost myself in that relationship. I will definitely make a post talking more about this in the future because there is so much to be said about breakups and how to make the most out of them. The first thing I will tell you is really thinking about finding a therapist to help you heal through it, especially if your relationship had any level of toxicity. Having someone to guide me and talk me through all of it was one of the best decisions I made during that time. Also, open up to your friends and loved ones about what you are going through if that is possible for you. Having your support system will make a lot of difference in your process. A breakup for me is an opportunity to reinvent yourself, to really focus on yourself again, and heal what you need to heal for when another relationship comes. It also allows you to really understand yourself and what you like and don’t like. I learned a lot about what I would never allow in a new relationship and what kind of person I would like to be with in the future. At first, it is very hard to change your mindset into thinking a breakup is a good thing, especially when you end a relationship that was not toxic and you decide to break up for other reasons. But, as my mom always tells me and it’s just so true “It all happens for a reason” you won’t be able to see it at the moment, but you will in the future. Stay tuned for another post about this, I could write a whole book honestly. 12. Be very honest with your therapist, you will only get back what you put in When my friends have asked me “what is the best advice you could give me now that I am starting therapy?” I always tell them to be very honest with their therapist. Because it can be very easy to go to a session and just sit there and lie or tell your therapist what you think they want to hear and that will take you nowhere. You need to be open and emotional, it can be very hard at first, especially during your first sessions, but it is the only way you will be able to take full advantage of the whole experience. A tip that I could give you is to make a list before each session detailing the things you want to work through, even if you don’t go through it all in your session, you can continue to work on it as time goes by. This will make it a lot easier to remember what has happened during the time you have not seen your therapist. 13. If you are a giver, be mindful of who you are willing to give to This is one of the big lessons I have learned from my therapist, and that has changed my outlook on how I give and receive love, attention, compassion, and many other things. You have to be mindful of your energy and where you are pouring it, if you don’t you will continue to feel drained and it will make it very hard for you to heal. This lesson goes back to boundary setting and how important it is to really think about if the person or thing you want to give your energy to is worth it or if it will just leave you drained. Hope you enjoyed it! All my love, Karina.

13 Lessons from my 5 years in therapy (Part 1)

By Karina Munoz • December 15, 2022
First of all, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read my previous post, it means a lot. This time I wanted to talk about what I have learned in my journey through this wonderful thing called therapy. I have learned a lot during my process, so I decided to make it a two-part series. I hope you enjoy it and that it inspires you to take the step toward initiating your own therapy journey or keep going if you already have begun. The first therapist you meet might not be the perfect match (there can also be more than one you match with) I have heard a lot of people say that they stopped going to therapy because they felt they didn’t have a good connection with their therapist and that sort of discouraged them from going. Please don’t let this stop you from going!! Finding a therapist can be like dating, you need to explore different ones until you find the one you click with. I had an amazing therapist when I lived in Mexicali, but because I moved to AZ I had to look for someone else, and one thing that helped was asking friends who have similar values as me for their recommendations. That has really worked for me in the past, so I really recommend you ask others and if you have no idea who to ask, you could ask me. But please, don’t let this be the reason you are not looking for that help. 2. The importance of fixing your relationship with your parents if possible I know this may be a difficult one for many of you since not all of us grew up with parents willing to accept their mistakes and change and maybe they will never be able to. But, if you believe it is possible for you to create a positive relationship with them, I would encourage you to try. This could look like many different things, and it does not mean that they still have to be in your life, but just knowing that that relationship feels safe to you, could be healthy as well. Also know, that this will of course not happen overnight, or that with just one conversation all will be fixed. It takes hard work and being consistent with the boundaries you set within those relationships and how your parents respond and if they accept them. Personally, it took me years to get to the point I am today in my relationship with my parents, and it took some very hard things to happen for them to realize we needed to fix things. But working on these relationships helped me heal so much, especially my inner child. So, don’t get discouraged if at first, you feel you might not be successful in working on that relationship, keep trying if that is what you want, but don’t forget that sometimes it is better to step away. Just because they are family, does not mean you have to tolerate their toxicity. 3. Self-love and acceptance Learning to love yourself in all its forms is a very hard process because it involves facing the parts of yourself that you also do not like and being strong and brave enough to work on them. But what I can say is that it is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life, and it has allowed me to really know myself and discover who I truly am and what I truly want in life. In therapy, I had to answer very hard questions about my patterns and the struggles I have faced with my body image which was of course, not a super fun time, but once I had worked through that I really learned to accept all of me, for what I am in this moment, and not who I think I should be. Respecting yourself and your body is so important, so please consider talking about this topic the next time you are in therapy. 4. Allowing companionship and care This was a tough one for me, after leaving a very long relationship, I decided to take the time to really focus on finding myself again and I did, but that also led me to get very comfortable with being by myself and being extremely careful with who I allowed into my life. I am not just talking about romantic partners but friendships as well. In therapy, I learned how valuable it can also be to allow yourself to be cared for, not just take care of others, that it was okay to let someone do something good for me, and that it was okay to let myself be loved by others. I really did struggle a lot with this, because it was not the norm for me, but now that is what I am looking for the most, reciprocity in any relationship. Where we can both care for each other and allow ourselves that care as well. 5. You need to let your emotions out or they will eat you alive. I think that from reading my previous post, you can tell that I did not do a really good job of applying this one in the past. But it is one of the other very important lessons I learned from that experience. I have a Frida Kahlo poster in my office from when I visited an exposition about her life that says “Don’t build a wall around your own suffering it may devour you from the inside”, and it really speaks to me and it is a constant reminder that I should not bottle up my feelings and wait for them to break me or others. Making the decision of going to therapy is the first step toward letting everything out. You can of course also put on your favorite movie to cry to and just have yourself a healing crying session. But, remember, healing takes time, and having someone to help you heal makes a huge difference in your process. 6. How friendships can heal you Speaking about healing, and allowing yourself to be cared for, friendships have been a HUGE part of my healing process. Opening up to them, and allowing them to help me through this journey has really changed me and the relationship I have with them. Even just having one good friend that you can confide in and trust, can make such a huge difference in your life. I know that for some people it might be really hard to make friends, but some things that have helped me is going to spaces where I know I will already have something in common with the people there, so it will be a lot easier to have something to talk about. Just think about it, putting yourself out there can be scary, but finding those people will have a tremendous impact on your life. 7. Life is constant change This was a VERY hard lesson for me as well. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was becoming a very rigid, inflexible person, because of the impossible standards I had set for myself regarding what I thought my life should be. I had to learn that in life it does not matter how much you plan, or how much you worry about something happening or not happening, in the end, it is out of our control. Life is constant change, and we do not have the ability to predict what will happen in the future. It is important to accept and embrace change because that can also lead to beautiful things that we were not expecting to happen. Part 2 coming soon. All my love, Karina. New Paragraph

How I reclaimed my anxiety and depression and turned it into my most transformative times

December 9, 2022
My first experience with anxiety started when I was very young. As many older siblings might understand, becoming your sibling’s parent is not an easy task to endure at such a young age. The unreal expectations that I set for myself during those times would follow me for the rest of my life. They would later pop up as bitting my nails, needing to be the best at everything, attention seeking, perfectionism, need for approval, getting sick every time I had an important event coming up, heart palpitations, allergy to alcohol, toxic relationships, and many other things. As I write this, it is hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I have experienced all of these different uncomfortable feelings that have caused me so much pain at such a young age. I am obviously not listing all of these things to get an “I am so sorry” reaction, because as the love of my life Ms.Taylor Swift said, “It's me, Hi, I’m the problem it's me”. I could always find a way to blame a lot of different people for “causing” me to have these issues, but at the end of the day blaming can only help you so much, and you are still the one who will be left to deal with your brain and your thoughts, so it is better to take control of all of that and finds ways to get better. I am also writing this because I wanted to share what my journey has been since being diagnosed with depression not so long ago and hope it can make someone feel identified and know that it is possible to feel better. It was really hard for me to accept the fact that I was depressed, mainly because I used to be someone who said that “I would never be depressed, I could never have those kinds of thoughts”, but in reality, I had gone through it a lot more times without even realizing it. It took me to get to a true breaking point for me to realize that I needed more than just psychological help. I have been in therapy for over 5 years now and I was just so mad that I could not be able to deal with my problems on my own. Because, of course, as I mentioned before perfectionist here, meaning I love having everything under control and when I don’t that is when anxiety hits the hardest. Recently, I had to go through many stressful situations in my personal and professional life that led me to that breaking point I was mentioning. One of the hardest was losing my grandfather, since he and my grandmother have been very important pillars in my life helping my mom raise us after divorcing my dad. My grandfather was not the typical grandpa you can think of, he was raised in an era where “machismo” was very prevalent, but he was still a very caring person and I could even see parts of myself in him, for example in how he worried for everyone and had an incredibly anxious personality. He was never very involved in our lives and I don’t think I ever really got to know him, but he was always there, present, cooking with my grandma, keeping her company, playing his guitar, and watching football games. Losing him, was like losing a doll you’ve had since you were a child that you loved very much. A part of you will always miss that company. This event impacted me, and my whole family, and now every time I visit home I can feel that “something is missing” feeling. After he passed, I cried once, and my mind immediately went into “let’s see who I need to take care of” mode since that is something I often tend to do when something bad happens and of course the last person I think about is myself. The piled-up emotions mixed with someone very close to me having an episode caused by their bipolar disorder, mixed with my roommate moving out, finding a new roommate, and living far away from home caused the rope that was holding me together to what my life used to be to completely break. For me that breaking presented itself in many ways, I was unable to go to the grocery store without feeling extremely overwhelmed, I could not get out of the car one day when I got to work because the thought of being at the office gave me too much anxiety, I had to leave a team training one day because having to socialize with others was a lot, I went almost two weeks without sleeping properly and being extremely frustrated because of it, and I would have to call my family and my best friend constantly in order to stop intrusive and obsessive thoughts from taking over. I can imagine that some of you can relate to these experiences and know how hard it is to realize that you are not okay. Eventually, I could not pretend anymore or think that I would wake up one day and be completely fixed by thinking happy thoughts. This was the hardest part. Starting medication and realizing that I needed to take a break from my life or I would keep going down a big scary hole. I can imagine that a lot of you who are reading this have been anxious or depressed at some point in your lives. What I can tell you is that every day it really does get a little better. Emphasis on the “little”. It is not easy at all to break apart from those thoughts but you also get to a point where you are just so tired from being like that, you decide to start making the change. Making changes can look like many different things. For some, it is having the energy to get out of bed that day and take a shower, for others, it is finally being able to enjoy their work again or starting to exercise. As I have always told my friends who are going through hard times, it is a wholeass journey and you need to put the work in to feel better and regain that control over your life. I am of course not at the place I want to be, but I know that every day I try to do things that get me closer to being in that content space again. One of the biggest things I introduced in my life a few years ago was learning how to play the guitar, music has really been an escape for me and has healed me in many ways. Being active and doing exercises that I really like have also helped me greatly, it is so important to exercise in a way that feels fulfilling to us and not just what we believe we should be doing because of what we see online. I used to think going to the gym was the only way to be “fit” and healthy, but as someone who has danced basically their whole life I knew I needed something different, and pilates has been that for me for many years now and dancing as well. I know it might be really hard to think about going through depression and having constant anxiety as a “transformative” time in your life but it really can be and I will start with the cliché of “it's all in how we look at things”. For me, this new diagnosis put a lot of things into perspective and made me reframe my life and start thinking about what I needed to change, and what had brought me to this point. I realized a lot, I realized I was not making myself a priority in terms of taking care of myself and asking myself constantly how I am doing, I was being extremely rigid with myself and my routines and was not letting myself truly enjoy life and did not allow or welcomed any changes to my already made plans. I was not doing more of what I truly enjoyed and even got to a point where I did not even want to play music anymore because it felt more like a chore, something to cross off my to-do list, instead of seeing it as something that actually helped me feel better and saner. Another thing that was hard for me to accept was that what I thought I had truly wanted for years, which was to work in the US, was not making me truly happy, and even though in my job I get to help a lot of students figure out what their next career move would be, I deep down know that this is not what’s meant for me. I still enjoy what I do and work with an incredible team of people, but I know part of my healing will also be finding what I am truly meant to be doing. I saw a video that mentioned how finding that “perfect” version of ourselves will never truly happen and true acceptance comes from accepting all the versions of yourself not only the good parts. I thought this was truly beautiful because it spoke deeply to what I know many of us have gone through in our mental health journey since we are constantly healing and discovering more that we need to work through. Even though it is very hard to accept that our journey will not magically end one day and we have to keep fighting with our minds, it is also one of the most rewarding things I have ever gone through. With all of that being said, I am really thankful that I have the support system I currently have to get through these times, I don’t know what I would have done without all of you who have always been there for me. I know this is not the story for everyone, but know that you have me and many others who I know would be ready to help you if you opened up to them. Living through this experience has made me a lot more conscious and empathetic toward others who have been dealing with mental illness their whole lives. I also want to ask all of you who are going through the healing process to celebrate your victories, no matter how small they are. I remember being extremely proud of myself because I was finally able to go grocery shopping without having an anxiety attack. Small victories are HUGE in this process, celebrate them always. I hope my words have helped you in some way and inspire you to find help if you need it. I know hearing others' stories helped me a lot, so I will leave some links to some podcast episodes that have helped me a lot throughout these times. All my love Karina <3. Podcasts: Anything Jay Shetty is amazing! https://open.spotify.com/episode/2eJ7Fxhfso8tekvnukGvGj?si=01ac120fb856449c https://open.spotify.com/episode/41WVkewa7KU1ahGja9lx0Y?si=cQIpYII4QTipTCDHlh9fLQ https://open.spotify.com/episode/0wmCHhjon9FjYtu8U2EQPt?si=to8QZ8TZTwenyml8Aaunqw https://open.spotify.com/episode/4CgnoRLL7vTP6lK3xTRlMq?si=xmCPCsfwSISwqpNK4RbbzA (this one really spoke to what I was feeling during those times)
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